“In death, we are not defined by what we did or who we were but by what we meant to others. How well we loved and were loved in return.”
― Allison Pearson, I Don't Know How She Does It: The Life of Kate Reddy, Working Mother
When I first read that book, I laughed out loud and said "this is me". Over and over and over...But the reality was that it wasn't funny. I opened a retail store, built a house and had three kids under the age of seven ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!! What was I thinking? I thought I could manage it all. I started taking yoga classes sporadically and found that I felt like a new person immediately after. I cried several times during savasana. I always "sent out my dedication or intention" to myself. To find balance and peace. Yet, it wasn't working for me. I was at the end of my rope. I had a housekeeper, nannies, drivers for the kids etc. It was so hectic! However, I thought if I quit and became a SAHM (stay at home mom) I would think of myself as a failure. What would I tell my kids? Why did I go to college and work so hard ? To stay home and bake pies and do laundry?? For a long time those questions lingered and I just couldn't give up my career.
Then, it hit me. Maybe it was all the self help books I was reading, maybe it was my yoga teacher and her words of wisdom. Something clicked and I decided none of it mattered if I wasn't the best me I could be. I didn't want to be defined by what I did, I wanted to be defined by how much I love, and give, and care for my family. My family is my greatest accomplishment.
So, in 2013, I sold my store and started my journey. I signed up for yoga teacher training. I found a program that was one day week (while my kids were in school) and would take me just over a year to complete.
I completed it in January of 2015. I now teach regularly and love it! I have time for myself but also have time to keep my house running (other than my laundry issue..that's another story!) And, all the stress that was present in my life, is gone. I am able to cook, hang out with my kids, and travel with my husband. Everyone in the house is happier (even the cat and we don't really like each other!)
The most exciting part for me is that I had time to learn about myself and what truly makes me happy. Next week, I start an online anatomy and physiology college course. I'm considering getting a master's degree in Integrative Wellness and Health Coaching. This course is the first step. Who knows, I may continue, I may not. It's one of my personal goals but not my primary personal goal. My primary personal goal is being a superior COO of the Kalina Clan. The best job I could possibly ever have.